I have nothing to offer you but hope. Although you may also get sympathy as time goes on.
But you’re a sucker and you know it. Perhaps you’ve been here before and you know the score. But that two-bed semi is cramping your style. You have to get out.
It’s the real estate equivalent of speed dating. No small talk. You’re introduced by Mr Five Percent. The punter takes a long hard look at your assets. Probably asks what your expectations are. Maybe they make an offer. (This is when it starts to look more like the Oldest Profession). You play it cool – say you’ll think about it. But you know you can’t let this cat out of the bag.
The upshot is, you accept their offer. You’re in a new relationship but no one has signed anything. Already you’re both planning to cheat on each other. You don’t have much option. When survival meets morality on a dark night, survival wins hands down.
And odds are, the housing ladder you busted your butt to get onto is about to become a “chain”. But more on that later.
It’s difficult to believe, but the people who dreamt up the property laws didn’t have your best interests at heart. Nor were they Scottish. Though you could suspect they were Presbyterian. They certainly didn’t want you to enjoy buying or selling your home.
Forewarned is forearmed, even in the real estate business. So here’s what to expect.
Exchanging Contracts This is done by the lawyers – yours and your buyer’s – and they will do it when they damn well want to. (Meantime, you hope your buyer doesn’t take the back stairs out of the building on the hunt for another relationship).
When the lawyers are finally ready, (in other words, they know you are about to hire another lawyer), they will draw up a contract. It will contain everything you need to clarify before selling your house, including just how much you can get away with leaving in the attic and list as chattels.
While you are waiting, your buyer will pay a huge sum to someone whose sole aim in life is to do a forensic examination of your house for evidence that can be used against you to reduce the price. To fill in even more time, your buyer will ask their lawyer to ask your lawyer more questions, such as whether you can provide written proof the attic is free of protected wildlife, like bats. This should be good for at least a month’s delay.
When all these loopholes have been fully excavated, and the final price is settled, you can at last exchange contracts. This is when the buyer has to put down a deposit. Now at last, the ball is in your court.
But first, you may face The Chain.
This quaint term refers to the fact that no one is going anywhere until someone does. And it explains why your buyer will go to such lengths to delay exchanging contracts.
To clarify, your buyer can’t buy your house until their sale goes through. And their buyer can’t buy their house until their sale goes through. And their sale can’t go through until their buyer has sold their house until……This is the house that Jack built and if a stone is left unturned it all falls down.
My advice is, avoid a chain at all costs, even if it means you live in a tent for a few months or end up in a cave in Wales. That’s what Big Yellow Storage is for.
Insurance The buyer can be responsible for insuring your property between exchange and completion, but don’t count on it. This is yet another reason for the buyer to delay exchanging. (Pause here to wonder again who thought this system up.)
Completion Well, “eat my shorts” as they say. You have reached Completion Day. Congratulations.
If your happy buyer managed to delay exchange until mere days before completion you will, by now, have formed a close relationship with a removal company who, in spite of your pitiful state, refused to book your move until you had a firm date.
So where was it you wanted to move to again? Or have you forgotten?
Border Lines 